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[Sharing] I sharing my short writing

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發表於 18-3-2013 20:41:36 | 顯示全部樓層 |閱讀模式
Topic : Environmental protection

Do you think I will environmental protection? Nowadays, Hong Kong pollution problem is very serious. For example greenhouse effect and air pollution. In this article, I will talk about air pollution and water pollution.
        First of all, there are many environmental problems in Hong Kong. New, I will talk air pollution because this pollution in Hong Kong is very serious. Hong Kong people always drive the car, will carbon dioxide. Some people will feel disgusting and may be sick.
        Apart from that, water pollution is also serious in Hong Kong. The second problem, I will talk water pollution because Hong Kong people can not protect marine life. Since Hong Kong people don't protect marine life will endangered species.
        In order to protect the environment, we should use public transport reduce drive the car to improve air pollution problem. We can conserve energy and use energy-efficient bulb. Face to water pollution problem, the government could using greener methods of waste disposal reduce people from rubbish.
        All in all, it is important to protect the environment on your side, cutting down on consumption, recycling domestic waste, conserving energy and using cleaner fuels. The pollution problem is very serious because aftermath people will dead.

Please help me with an error

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參與人數 1樂點 +20 收起 理由
chiuandy123 + 20 Thx!

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發表於 19-3-2013 16:41:44 | 顯示全部樓層
Topic : Environmental protection

Do you think I will environmental protection? Nowadays, Hong Kong  ...
一碌木 發表於 18-3-2013 20:41



   Although there are some mistakes, at least you try! Keep going!
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發表於 23-3-2013 00:40:50 | 顯示全部樓層
Firstly, the title "I sharing my short writing" is grammatically incorrect, you may say, "I am sharing my short writing now" or "My short writing to environmental protection"

The following are the amendments to the passage.

1. Do you think I will environmental protection?

->Do you think we need environmental protection?

->Do you think we should take more action to environmental protection?


2. Nowadays, Hong Kong pollution problem is very serious.

->Nowadays, the pollution problem in Hong Kong is very serious.

->Nowadays, the problem of pollution in Hong Kong is very serious.


3. For example greenhouse effect and air pollution.

->For example, greenhouse effect and air pollution are two main pollution problems in Hong Kong.

4. New, I will talk air pollution because this pollution in Hong Kong is very serious.

->Now, I will focus on air pollution because it is a serious problem in Hong Kong.

5. Hong Kong people always drive the car, will carbon dioxide.

->Hong Kong people always drive the car which emits carbon dioxide.

6. Some people will feel disgusting and may be sick

-> Some people may feel disgusted or sick

7. water pollution is also serious in Hong Kong

->the water pollution in Hong Kong is also serious

->the problem of water pollution in Hong Kong is also serious


8.  The second problem, I will talk water pollution because Hong Kong people can not protect marine life.

-> The second problem which I will talk about is the water pollution because the marine life in Hong Kong are not well protected.

9. Since Hong Kong people don't protect marine life will endangered species.

->Therefore, some of the species may become endangered or even be extinct.

10. we should use public transport reduce drive the car to improve air pollution problem.

->we should take public transport to reduce the number of times driving our private cars.

11. We can conserve energy and use energy-efficient bulb

->We should conserve energy by using energy-efficient bulb

12. Face to water pollution problem

->In allusion to the problem of water pollution

13. the government could using greener methods of waste disposal reduce people from rubbish.

->the government should use greener methods of waste disposal which can reduce rubbish produced efficiently.

14. All in all

->To conclude

->To sum up

->To summarize


15. it is important to protect the environment on your side

->it is important to protect the environment

16. cutting down on consumption

->reducing the consumption on electrical energy

17. The pollution problem is very serious because aftermath people will dead.

->The problem of pollution is very serious which results in deaths of people.









Topic : Environmental protection

Do you think we need environmental protection? Nowadays, the problem of pollution in Hong Kong is very serious. For example, air pollution and water pollution are two main pollution problems in Hong Kong. In this article, I will talk about these two pollution problems.
        First of all, there are many environmental problems in Hong Kong. Now, I will focus on air pollution because it is a severe problem in Hong Kong. Hong Kong people always drive the car which emits carbon dioxide. Some people will feel disgusting or sick.
        Apart from that, the problem of water pollution in Hong Kong is also critical. It is because the marine life in Hong Kong are not well protected. As a result, some of the species may become endangered or even be extinct.
        In order to protect the environment, we should take public transport to reduce the number of times driving our private cars. Moreover, we should conserve energy by using energy-efficient bulb. In allusion to the problem of water pollution, the government should use greener methods of waste disposal which can reduce rubbish produced efficiently.
        To sum up, it is important to protect the environment. We can do so by reducing the consumption on electrical energy, recycling domestic waste, conserving energy and using cleaner fuels.



Note:
1. serious = severe = critical = 嚴重

2. greenhouse effect is not a pollution

3. I feel disgusted, but not 'I feel disgusting'
examples:
I feel bored.   ✓
I feel boring.   ✘

I feel excited.   ✓
I am excited.   ✓

I feel exciting.   ✘
I am exciting.   ✘


4. In allusion to = 針對

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參與人數 3樂點 +10 Bravo! +2 收起 理由
zenith710 + 1 熱心協助
anthony0222 + 1 內容精彩
chiuandy123 + 10

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發表於 24-3-2013 19:43:33 | 顯示全部樓層
Last but not least, "Please help me with an error" should be changed to "please help me to point out the mistakes of the passage"

btw are you a senior secondary school student ?
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發表於 24-3-2013 22:16:45 | 顯示全部樓層
Last but not least, "Please help me with an error" should be changed to "please help me to point out ...
一人力 發表於 24-3-2013 19:43



   Be honest, I don't think that is a passage come from a senior secondary student.
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發表於 25-3-2013 19:22:19 | 顯示全部樓層
回復 5# chiuandy123


   maybe you're right
btw i hope he can have a great progress soon
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 樓主| 發表於 25-3-2013 19:41:44 | 顯示全部樓層
Thank you Reply,
I English is really not good, but I will never gave up learning English
Re chiuandy123 : I am F.5 student,you think I writing is what from degree?
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發表於 26-3-2013 13:56:02 | 顯示全部樓層
Thank you Reply,
I English is really not good, but I will never gave up learning English
Re chiuandy ...
一碌木 發表於 25-3-2013 19:41



   It doesn't really matter. But you should practice more so as to enhance your English level! Add oil!
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發表於 31-3-2013 23:59:22 | 顯示全部樓層
You didn't tell why we have to protect our environment.  
e.g. What is the adverse impacts of pollution?  How pollution may affect our life?
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發表於 18-4-2013 20:21:16 | 顯示全部樓層
Start embarking on English newspaper or book may enhance your english level.
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